Can You Change The Ways Of A Womanizer??

I have this...dilemma. I've sort of been seeing this guy, and when we hang out we hook up and what not. It's great don't get me wrong, but I'm not the ONLY one he hooks up with. He and I have a very casual relationship. I'M SIXTEEN YEARS OLD AND I HAVE A CASUAL RELATIONSHIP? That realization came to me awhile ago. So then I texted him one day and said that if he wasn't intending on being more than just fuck buddies then we couldn't do anything else , that I was done. After that I still got a few texts from him saying that he really wanted me but it was still the same song dance. I continued to turn him down. But lately, I've been wanting him badly. And I gave in yesterday and saw him. With us it's not so romantic, but it's mostly because he has trouble trusting. His last two girlfriends were the worst, they cheated and lied to him. Making him how he is. He has a bad reputation for being a man whore so to speak. I've known this since I met him in eighth grade. Bad, bad, BAD. But I really think he just needs to find someone who can see him for everything he is and could be. I want to think that maybe that person could be me, you know? But reality keeps saying no. So how does one go about that? Could I change him? I want to think I can. I have to try, I want to be more than what we are. But soon if that's not the case then I'm gonna just call him quits...FOR GOOD. (Hopefully)

I Lack Skill

I suck at writing don't I? I'm trying my damnedest. I feel like my problem is mostly making what I write interesting. I'm trying so hard! I just want to be a magazine editor for Cosmopolitan. And I haven't done one thing to help me get to my goal. I don't even have a following on the Internet. I try to get myself out there... But nothing is getting me from point A to point B. what do I have to do?!? Post a picture of my tits? That's illegal though... Hah but seriously! To make it where I want to be I need to be focused. What kind of clubs and activities do I have to do? Maybe join the newspaper... Eh I'm going to be a junior and I would be a new edition. So I don't know how that would play out. I've really just started thinking about my future and the way I've been slacking off in school has disappointed me to the point that I can't believe it. Not saying that I was a horrible student but I used to never have Cs as a final grade. So FUCK IT. I'm going to do better than I ever have. Just wait and see!

The American Sleepover...& Other Extremities

We've all been to one (I presume), and some were fun and some not so great. Tonight I am at a real sleepover, that was actually planned with pizza, candy, sleeping bags and the works. It's been awhile. Usually I just sleep at my friends house on a whim, not so much a planned girls night. You know what? It's nice to finally confide in your girls with everything and stuff your face! No judgement... At least not spoken judgement haha. It's so hard being friends with people, particularly females. They are a lot, A LOT of drama now a days. But maybe it seems that way because I'm exposed to high school girls on a daily. Man, are they bitches. You don't know what to say, who to trust. Everyone is expendable. And mainly the root of ALL problems are boys. Seriously. Maybe one day I'll find life isn't as dramatic as it is now ... Like the boys we know aren't even that great in the first place. Most of them haven't gone through the middle stage of puberty! So for us to argue about them and for them is fucking pointless. Sorry for the rant, back to the sleepover. We are watching The Devil Inside ... The stupidest movie EVER. Like I'm totally never putting this on again. But everyone is talking so I can't concentrate on it anyway. And one of the girls here really pisses me off though. I've never liked her, or her mother. So she is a non factor to me. But anyway let me get back to the fun! Let's hope I don't fall asleep first. Goodnight!

Forever alone?

What is it that separates me? Everyone else can have lifelong relationships and I can't even last a month? I mean from this point of view I'm doomed to be a cat lady. I know my main focus really should be school and college. But I want a boy toy. I sorta have one but he's a whore anyway. He isn't into me and I'm not into him. We just like each other's company. I want a guy like Ryan Lochte, he's beautiful. But no guy really interests me, like I'm immune to them. I lack attraction to guys that I live around or near . Phooey.

That is me btw !

All day, everyday, nonstop.

It's seems that I need to lose maybe 20 pounds within this next month and I have no FUCKING idea how this might work. I mean sure I can run on the treadmill until my legs fall off, or do crunches until I lose all feeling in my torso. I positive that I could.. But I am also sure that I won't. The problem is motivation. What's my true motivation? Looking hot in a bikini? Grabbing a guy's attention? Or to just be healthy? I wanna say it should be all three of those but bikini season's almost over, I get attention from guys enough now and it is just plain awful and bland to be healthy. But maybe I should do it to prove I can... That sounds A LOT better. I kind of enjoy having competitions with myself. So now ask yourself this, what is the REAL reason why you would want to loose weight and what's my motivation?

Blues & Big Shoes to Fill

I felt it was finally time to get out here. Stretch my likeness. I've always been a writer... But when it came to blogging, I completely had no idea what I am doing. It's time I just dive right on in! I mean, how else can I get noticed? I have a voice amongst a sea of whiners, screamers, and preachers . And I want to find my place. I need to find it. More likely than not, I will. If I could just make a few people read what I've got... Well then I might just feel 300% better than I do now haha. But it's like late and I'm tired as hell, you'll be getting another post again in like a couple of hours. Or minutes. The next few might be about my current goal. So yeah. Goodbye!